Tortoise

After weeks of exhibiting tiresome behaviours we dismiss as broadly attention-seeking (refusing to eat and constantly burying itself under the compost/dog's bed/dirty washing) the tortoise disappears at the beginning of June. After a frantic search, which encompasses dredging the pond and employing three teams of working dogs ("Have you got an item of erm..clothing or something...?") all hopes of finding him/her are abandoned; everyone returns to work/school and we try to rebuild our lives.

For the next few weeks there are desperate flashes of hope: "The peg bag! No-one checked the peg bag!" But we all know that even if the tortoise could scale the washing line post, it could scarcely conceal itself in a flimsy fabric pouch that was half its size and full of clothespegs. As I have seen one of the children writing on the underside of its shell at the beginning of the summer in permanent marker I an vaguely reassured that it has our phone number on the underside of its shell. But it turns out that he had just written PTO. We never even gave him/her a name.

Attention seeking

Then, on August 3, there it is. In the middle of the grass, completely filthy and blinking the soil from its eyes. After several warm baths, a bag of curly kale and a mani-pedi he/she's in tip-top condition and tearing around the garden spitting at the dogs with a ferocity that belies his/her sixty years. A day later and we would have been away on holiday. It doesn't bear thinking about.