Denial

"I can't believe you take your lenses out to weigh yourself." The eldest has snuck up behind me in the bathroom. He is wet from the shower and wearing a gas mask. He is smug to have lost a stone since December and steers most conversations toward weight loss if he can.

The scales are wrong, probably the batteries are going. Or it could be the uneven floor so I take them into the bedroom where they are still wrong. Actually my hair's a bit wet. We place a damp towel on the scales to replicate the weight of wet hair but it doesn't register.

I take the dogs on a long walk, 5k, and vow to do so every day. According to the pedometer app on my phone, this burns off 254 calories, or a Kit Kat Chunky. But I have even lied to the pedometer about my weight, so it's probably more.